“Mommy I want to wear it, I want to wear it Noooowwwwww,” my Juno wails tears exploding down both cheeks. We’re about 20 minutes into this performance and I’m kind of blind-sided. Before we left the store I thought me and my 3 year old had a totally legitimate discussion about not wearing her Halloween costume until Halloween.
The second we get into the car I find myself in the midst of total toddler meltdown. I have a teensy-weensy wiggling feeling in the back of my mind that buying a princess dress from the store and being able to wait two entire weeks to wear it might be a trifle more challenging for a three year old than I had first anticipated. Somehow I thought she would be totally satisfied to hold the box containing the princess dress in her hands, admire it while fondly anticipating the day she would make her entrance as Princess Juno at her Halloween Party.
Okay I was acting totally, completely, utterly cray. Was I drunk? high? insane?
That aside by now we are about 20 minutes into this full-scale meltdown and I’ve never seen anything like it. I expect it to subside in about 10 minutes and cheerio we can go home and have a hot chocolate but no cigar. I‘m extremely tempted to give in at this point but my higher self prevails and I realize to do so would go against the advice of every parenting book every written; I envision myself being publicly dunk-tanked by Super Nanny.
In desperation I contemplate distractions I can offer: playdo, painting, tablet, tap dance anyone? Should we go for lunch? Would it be wrong if I let her wear the dress for just today?
Yes.
At this point the decibel level is really starting to grate on me and with each new wail I feel my emotional tank slowly draining; I briefly envision myself running far, far away……very, very fast. I think of the chocolate bar I have hidden from my husband deep in the freezer.
Its really hard to let those we love most in the world feel pain.We live in a world where there are literally thousands of distractions from uncomfortable emotions; we have tablets, cell phones, games, apps, fast food, wine, cheap toys and of course there’s always Netflix. Instinctively as parents we want to protect our children from all possible hurt.
But its completely inevitable that our kids are going to have letdowns and if we always distract them from their uncomfortable emotions how will they ever become resilient adults ready to take on life’s challenges instead of always seeking to avoid possible hurt in every circumstance.
My daughter continues to sob “I want to wear it” over and over for probably about 100 more times. I breathe through it allowing her to feel the full depth of her pain with every shaky sob. When she awakens I know the first words out of her mouth will be “I want to wear the dress,” but she will want it a little less. She will have processed her disappointment instead of being unable to withstand the pain of it.
And at the end of the day just having this experience together is the most valuable thing we could do together. We’ve each grown a little; it usually hurts a bit.
You know how you always feel a bit better after a good cry? Well in this moment I find myself wrapped in gratitude instead of discomfort. I hope we will have many more moments, exactly like this. In fact, I find myself looking forward to it.
The Home and Happy Housewife
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